Breaking News! Your humble blogger decided to get tested.
Yes, after watching for months now all the video images of people having a cotton swab shoved up their nose, I thought I’d like to be featured on the news too. Unfortunately nary a journalist was there to chronicle the event. I’m apparently about as newsworthy as a Mike Pence press release.
What made me do this? I read recently that while Florida’s coronavirus case numbers are now flattening, experts say this is only because the number of people being tested has slowed. My always-churning brain told me that this was opportunity knocking on my door.
So, I drove over to the local hospital where they have been administering COVID tests in their parking lot, and sure enough, it was indeed mostly empty. When in Rome, right?
There were four different stations that I had to drive through before finally reaching my moment with Mr. Swab. The first one screen-captured my ID, the second asked me to merely hold up my ID, the third asked me to read my ID aloud, and the fourth asked a series of rapid-fire questions such as birthdate, home address, and last name. I aced everything.
But I’m not going to lie to you: the swab test isn’t much fun. Perhaps because I was sitting inside my car and not standing outside where the medical technician could reach me easier, but I’m still absolutely certain that this guy had a serious problem with depth perception. His method of swabbing was way too far up my nose. Please believe me when I tell you it was 15 seconds of excruciating discomfort. If for some reason I see this same man at my next prostate exam, I am running for the hills.
But who doesn’t love a good story ending? The county health department called by phone with my test results within 24 hours, and I am negative! Although I understand that there are questions out there about the accuracy of COVID tests, I am choosing to accept this one at face value. It’s not like we’re blessed with all kinds of testing options at our disposal right now.
The last word on this topic goes to Gorgeous, who after hearing of my tale of the long-reaching swab, soberly remarked: “I’ll wait for the saliva-based one.”
In other news…
I continue to workout at home by taking aerobic walks in our condo development, followed by a modified stretching routine in our living room. Gorgeous, however, decided to return to our gym earlier this month. I’m still uncomfortable going there, but she says by going mid-morning there is virtually no one there. She texted me the following picture recently:
Ron DeSantis, Florida governor and mask-challenged video star, continues to order that all schools open later this month. This in spite of an ongoing legal challenge from state teachers’ unions. Completely safe from COVID fears, however, are the staff at state’s lottery offices, which have remained closed to the public since early spring. Holders of winning jackpot tickets are encouraged to submit them via the good ‘ol reliable U.S. Postal Service. Your mail-in ballots are possibly in danger, but rest assured that the Mega Millions winner currently in your wallet will arrive to them safely!
I continue to be baffled by our financial advisor, Hank. This week he notified all of his clients that for the remainder of August, he would refrain from using the benchmark Dow Jones and S&P 500 indices in favor of the meteorological Heat Index.
Speaking of weather, since July the weather here in northern Florida has been similar to what Bill Murray experienced in “Groundhog Day.” Every single day starts out sunny, but by mid-afternoon we have thunderstorms, some of them quite horrific in their intensity. Even the morning weathercaster has basically given up:
I researched my credit card statement to verify the following: The last time we actually sat down for a meal inside a restaurant was on March 12th at the Playa Chacmool Mexican restaurant here in St. Augustine. When a vaccine is finally available, I’m going back there and plan to order a hot, steamy, and sizzling steak fajita. Margarita anyone?
On that note, please do continue to be safe out there. Wear your mask, keep six feet away (or more), and take it from me: stick to the regular-sized Q-Tips if you possibly can.
Until next time…