Lend Me Your Ears

Source:Brighton Festival
Source:Brighton Festival

Among all the many early retirement activities at my disposal — reading, yoga, cooking, traveling, avoiding all forms of work, etc.– the one thing I hadn’t prepared myself for just yet was the opportunity to meet with medical specialists. But in the space of the last 30 days, Gorgeous and I have been to medical practices for ear nose & throat, orthopedics, neurology, oral surgery, and audiology. Additionally, we saw all of these good doctors only after being referred to each by our regular internist and dentist.

I’m all for doing my part to help to stimulate the holiday economy, but I was sort of thinking it’d be the retail sector rather than the medical one.

Maybe I didn’t pay close enough attention to previous signs that had been warning me. The last year of my career was a precursor of sorts when I made the acquaintance of some of the Upper Northwest’s finest medical specialists. Whatever they saw (and later removed) turned out to be, in the words of one of those distinguished physicians, “an unknown anomaly exhibiting no apparent danger.” I’m pretty sure that particular doctor was married to a mechanic who was working on my car at the time, because the diagnoses for human and auto were each phrased in strikingly similar fashion. When it was all over, I was told to get checked annually and just go forth in life with no worries. I am trying to do so, but I now have this habit of bringing a change of underwear when I visit the dealership for a 3,000 mile checkup.

The good news at the moment is that we are both in reasonably good shape. The tests which sent each of us to specialists in the first place have come out negative for all known fears. This means that by my own estimation at least two less Hoverboards were purchased for the children of these local doctors for Christmas. Sorry kids, maybe next year.

The bad news is that Gorgeous will start out the new year with continued dental drama. Swollen lymph nodes that prompted having to see the ENT specialist turned out instead to be a broken tooth. It will need to be extracted and replaced by an implant. In addition, she learned from two different audiologists that she has a moderate hearing loss of 40% that will require the permanent use of hearing aids.

I’ve known all along that she needed hearing aids. A spouse always knows certain things. Marital intuition and clairvoyance are powerful phenomena that couples have at their disposal via daily proximity. And of course there was also my having to respond to her constant query of “What?” several times a day. Yeah, sometimes you just know.

Over the last couple of years I’ve tried suggesting going for a hearing test, only to be told in no uncertain terms “my hearing is just fine thank you very much.” But as the television volume continued to rise, along with a preference for what eventually became permanent use of closed captioning for all of our favorite shows, Gorgeous finally began to notice the deficiencies in her hearing. You can only complain so many times about how fast those Brits on Downton Abbey speak. The final straw may have been in late fall when we had the windows opened one evening, and she admitted that she couldn’t hear the crickets chirping outside.

And to think some people download apps for white noise. She didn’t need to hear the crickets. The optimist in her believed she acquired the ability to create white noise naturally!

Source: Amazon.com
Source: Amazon.com

Once I made the decision to switch health plans in 2016, I needed to bust a move to get the hearing aids sooner rather than later. Our current Blue Cross plan is far more generous for hearing aids than the upcoming Samba coverage starting in January. I had to move quickly; the time for using subtle persuasion was over. There would be no more leaving the AARP and NARFE magazines stylistically curved to a slight angle, opened to a hearing aid advertisement, and placed near the coffee maker. No, it was time for a more unambiguous approach: guilt. I proceeded to use every trick my mother ever used, plus I employed the ingenious methods of TV mom Marie Barone. As guilt goes, that woman was a pro. I’m not proud of myself, but sometimes you have to, ‘er, pin back some ears.

My temporary role model Source: TV Guide
My temporary role model
Source: TV Guide

We visited two audiologists to see if each of the tests might come out differently. Fortunately the results had virtually the same numeric value for the amount of hearing loss that she exhibits. That was where the similarities between the two practices ended, though. We were absolutely astounded by the price variances for all the different styles of hearing aids. Each one comes with unique features that has a significance in technology or appearance. The sheer number of options on all of them are dizzying. After two hours of explanations, I felt as if we were sitting in on a time share property presentation, minus the champagne. At one point I was ready to agree to anything just so that we could leave.

Once the product type and style were finally chosen and all the paperwork was completed, we made an appointment for the very next day for probably the most important part of getting a hearing aid: having impressions made in each ear canal. It is a critical operation designed to make sure the devices are properly sized. The process involves having a mold go up right against the ear drum and stay like that for up to three minutes. Unfortunately this procedure also creates a very painful suction in the entire ear and is quite uncomfortable.

It had been our plan to go directly to the gym after the impression-taking was over, which in fact we did do. In hindsight that probably wasn’t the smartest decision. Instead of the usual smile I receive during our workout when I glance over at the nearby elliptical, it was more along the lines of a nasty sneer along with a silent message of, “you’ll pay for this.” It took about eight hours or so for the discomfort to disappear. Dinner was carry out Chinese that evening.

The new hearing aids arrived about a week later. Since that time it’s been a matter of adjustment in learning how to put them in, hearing the new sound of one’s own voice, and adjusting to both foreground and background noises. In spite of my encouragement to try to do so, she isn’t yet ready to wear them while doing readings for her clients on the phone. She’s worried that she’ll miss specific vibrations and energy of the person with whom she’s speaking. She is looking forward to using them for in-person sessions, but for now she takes them out when she uses the phone for her work.

I remember when my mother had her own hearing aids back in the nineties, and how they filled up her entire ear. The ones Gorgeous has hide themselves quite well. Technological advancements include the ability to control them while you’re out and about through the use of your smartphone. She was quite proud of herself when she remembered the codes to change her personal settings as we drove to the beach the other day.  Unfortunately once we got there, the sounds of the crashing waves were too much for her and she had to remove them. All in good time.

Hearing Aid Gorgeous
Look ma, they’re hardly noticeable!

Instead of asking me to repeat things, our days are now mostly consisting of shushing and requesting that the radio and TV be lowered. Where I used to be able to blare Peter Gabriel singing “Supper’s Ready” to my heart’s content, I’m now being warned that if I don’t keep it down neither supper, breakfast, or lunch will be ready in my immediate future. It’s amazing how reminiscent this is turning out to be of an earlier time in my life.

Aside from the little matter of the dental implant, I remain hopeful that all things medical in the coming year will be left to our regular internist, and only for scheduled appointments or annual checkups. We’ve both seen enough of the specialists at least for now. In the meantime, will ya keep it quiet please? I’ve already got my hands full with those incendiary crickets in the backyard.

Until next time…

Gorgeous Hearing Aids

12 thoughts on “Lend Me Your Ears

  1. My brother has been wearing aids for close to 30 years. At first they were big. They got smaller….and smaller. You can still see his though. I don’t see Gorgeous’s. He’s has issues with background noise and…umm….vanity. He is known for pulling them out and doing the smile and nod thing at parties. I know I should get a hearing test. I can still hear but the TV is turned up louder and I don’t like groups of more than 4. Maybe next year. Our insurance doesn’t cover it so we will be taking out a mortgage. Good luck to Georgeous. May she learn to love the surf sounds. Oh yes, and the crickets.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This has been such a long-term project of mine and the clock was literally ticking! I wanted to take an even bigger close up of her inner ear, but it started to get, well, rather pornographic in a sense. So I just decided to not to push it. Yes, even after the generous insurance co-pay, we still had to finance the balance. But I’m happy to have done it just under the wire. Make Gorgeous your role model and not your brother, I guess. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My husband is in the same boat as you were. A medical condition (god knows it isn’t age-related) has compromised the hearing in my right ear for many years. We also have to turn on the close-captions more then we’d like (although, to be fair to me, my husband can’t understand some of the rapid-fire dialog some shows have either) and increase the volume to uncomfortable levels so that I can follow what is going on. I know my husband would like me to get a hearing aid but I haven’t been able to get beyond the cost. And, they don’t last for more than a few years (so I was told). It looks like your wife’s is 100% in-ear, right? They aren’t the ones that have the wire on the top of the ear? I might have to look into it again. It is getting really embarrassing to be in a group of people and not hear most of the conversation. If Gorgeous can get beyond her initial reluctance, I guess I can too. Have a wonderful New Years!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, jeez, I definitely agree about the rapid-fire dialogue on TV shows now. We like to watch the old shows from the 60’s and 70’s on Me-TV quite a bit, and it’s amazing how s-l-o-w they spoke. Starting with “Friends” in the 90’s, I think, dialogue just got so fast.

      Yes, Gorgeous’ hearing aids go all the way in the ear. There is no wire on the top. They are “IIC” (Invisible-In-The-Canal and were made by Starkey Hearing Technologies in Minnesota. Our share of the cost after insurance was $3,000. At least if you only need for one ear, you’ll be saving some money there. Good luck on your own journey.

      Happy New Year to you also!


  3. Well done Marty. As one who lives with a deaf person (who has aids but wears them randomly) I understand the frustration. There was a time when I repeated the same thing five or six times to be told if I didn’t mumble I would be heard just fine. Now I repeat it once and leave it there which I know is frustrating for him, but he has the choice to either hear or not. Me! I can’t wait until retirement age to have my hearing aids provided free. I do not like crowds or noise but I am noticing they are less tolerable because I am not hearing as well as I once did.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Almost a clean bill is certainly better than the opposite. Gorgeous will be so pleased by not having to ask for a repeat of statements made to her.

    From another perspective, my Uncle who lived in the Philadelphia suburbs ran a hearing aid dealership selling Zenith Hearing Aids for many years. However, every one in my immediate family had no need of such an instrument, so clearly, despite the family connection – I know nothing about hearing aids.

    And from yet another perspective, just last night I watched my very first episode EVER of Downtown Abbey. It was the Christmas episode from Season Five when the Crawleys were invited to a hunting soiree by one Lord Synderby at the rented Brancaster Castle.

    Geez, I’ve traveled with less luggage for two and half week vacations in Asia as opposed to what they all brought for a weekend of trotting around the British countryside..

    That said – I rather enjoyed the show, and I may even decide to jump in and begin the series from the beginning. Catch up as it were.

    Still the timing of your mention and my watching Downton seems somewhat serendipitous.

    Best wishes for the New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lately whenever I see a movie or a new TV show, the first thing I do is check your blog for a review! BTW, do you have a search function on it? I think I had problems finding one the last time I looked for something, though it might just be there staring at me in the face.

    It took me two attempts to like Downton Abbey. I tried immediately when it came out because I so enjoyed Gosford Park, and seeing Maggie Smith in a similar-type of role was too good to pass up. But something about it didn’t click with me at the time, and I waited until just before Season Three before going on a massive binge to catch up on the first two seasons. The second time was the charm for me. My only complaint about his writing is that he sometimes moves things along a little too briskly, just not allowing for any great plot or character development among the principals. Overall, though, I think it was a great show. He paid great homage to Upstairs Downstairs by really improving on the genre. In fact, it made me want to watch Upstairs Downstairs all over again, which we did earlier this year!

    I’m saddened that the show is ending. Fellowes remarked at the end of *last* season that he thought there’d be two more before he ended it. Then Dame Maggie said *this* year would be her last, and that apparently was enough for Fellowes to follow suit. So this is it.

    I’ll look forward to your reviewing it, Mike!


  6. Nice post Marty! I am glad you both got on the same page. And I had never heard about the discomfort with the fitting — good to know in advance. I have been feeling like my hearing has been in decline for years (asking people to repeat themselves and having trouble hearing in a loud restaurant) and have no problem with the idea of hearing aids. But each time I am tested it comes out fine. Given the cost, I will keep saying, “Huh?” for a couple of years more before my next test.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s interesting how your own tests have not shown any problems, Ed. That tells me you’re not ready for hearing aids yet. You just need to go to quieter restaurants and bars. 🙂

      I’m hoping my own failings in this area going to be delayed for MANY more years yet. We could have spent less by not buying custom hearing aids, but then you’re sacrificing some quality. So we went ahead and invested some dough.


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