Let’s talk about inadequacies today; mine to be exact. We can focus on yours another time.
Two areas of learnin’ with which I’ve struggled mightily over the course of my life are math and grammar. Math I mainly ignore. With the aid of a calculator and my ever-so-slight proficiency with the most rudimentary of spreadsheets, I can add, subtract, and even show a bit of flair with division. Trust me when I say that I’m over the moon in having gotten this far in life without ever using quadrilaterals, variables, and coefficients. Fractions? Well, sure, I mix a killer of a martini.
Grammar is harder to ignore, though. It seemingly lurks behind every interaction. It doesn’t matter how messy my math is so long as I get the correct answer. But others can see, hear, and judge your grammar. There’s no hiding place.
If you’re at all like me, you can probably summon up a passable definition of what a noun, verb, or an adjective is. I bet a few of you out there are even experts. Writing was always challenging for me primarily because it was my habit back in school to completely zone out during English lessons. Some of it penetrated, much of it did not.
During a COVID lockdown cleaning binge, I came across a few of my college term papers — those that I tragically thought at the time were worthy of keeping. All of these years later, I am astounded at how awful a writer I was. I am even more bewildered by the decent marks I received on them. It must have that winning charm of mine propping me up.
On a good day now, I surprise myself in understanding why there are such things as adverbs or pronouns. Pronouns in fact are all the rage at the moment, with the interesting thing about them is that one can be both right and wrong all at the same time (pro-tip: keep your opinions to yourself in order to preserve a degree of statesmanship). But really, all of these examples I’ve mentioned thus far are the grammar fundamentals, the “greatest hits” as it were, drilled into us by exasperated English teachers. I can still visualize Mrs. Gerhardt, my high school writing instructor, herself a dead ringer for Iris Apfel with the extra large glasses worn in dramatic fashion, and with an ever-present expression of beguile on her face, nearly always in response to a terrified student (read: me) who would be stumbling over the definition of, say, a preposition. If shame can be a motivator, I was motivationally shameful during those uncomfortable moments.
Yet, all these years later, I now find grammar and punctuation concepts to be fascinating. A crafty one she was after all, that Mrs. Gerhardt.
But what about more advanced elements of grammar? How are you with grasping past participles, for instance?1 Do you know all seven coordinating conjunctions?2 Do you recall learning fanboys?3 These are deep dive concepts that bedeviled me as a student, but which I now find interesting mostly because I have no fears of being shamed. Or tested.
This turned out to be case late last year when I received an email response from author Ellen Jovin, to whom I had written after watching a news news profile on her “Grammar Table” adventures. I asked her a question about the use of colons and then subsequently forgot about it. To Ms. Jovin’s later chagrin, it took her over a year to get back to me. She offered up a winning apology and then proceeded to answer my question. As a postscript, she kindly pointed me in the direction of her book on grammar, Rebel with a Clause: Tales and Tips from a Roving Grammarian (2022 Mariner Books). Believing that one good turn deserves another, I bought the book. Fanboy indeed.
What I enjoyed about the book is Ms. Jovin’s joyful approach to a decidedly dry topic. In short, she makes grammar fun and interesting to read about. While I especially like is how she turns the tables on a few rules and conventions which many consider to be sacrosanct. First and foremost is her indifference to the strict adherence by some to the Oxford comma. She hilariously refers to it as a “national obsession.” Using as an example a famous internet meme that supposedly illustrates the importance of why the Oxford comma should always be used, Ms. Jovin instead swats away the devotion. The meme’s two sentences are:
- We invited the strippers, JFK, and Stalin.
- We invited the strippers, JFK and Stalin.
“In the meme, the first sentence is applauded for its upstanding use of an Oxford comma, while the second is illustrated with JFKK and Stalin dressed as strippers. I am unimpressed. I do not feel concerned that anyone reading the second sentence will mistakenly think John F. Kennedy and Joseph Stalin were the invited strippers.” (Jovin, ch. 1, p. 4).
Jovin also takes issue with the old rule drilled into us about not ending a sentence with a preposition. She refers to it as “preposition agitation.” In short, one can end a sentence with a preposition, and no one should give you what for. See?
Common and everyday grammar struggles that people regularly wrestle with are discussed in a helpful and disarming manner (i.e. affect and effect, past and passed, its and it’s, lay and lie, their/there/they’re, farther and further, etc.). More delicate matters are discussed, such as correcting someone’s grammar or how people mangle spelling in text messages. There is even a chapter on the lost art of cursive writing. One of my favorite chapters sketches out the long-ago teaching tool of diagraming sentences (remember having to do that?!). She also makes constant comparisons to the differences between British and American language usage.
Fear not, all you English nerds out there, the book is quite comprehensive and contains lots discussion on detailed areas of interest. Gerunds, present participles, subject-verb agreement, infinitives, independent clauses, etc, are all covered enough that it should make a grammar enthusiast feel completely fulfilled. For me personally, I happily found assistance with comma placement (especially with regard to quotes), capitalization, dashes, hyphens, plurals, and possessives. In other words, all the things that have tripped me up for years. The book now sits on my desk as a ready reference tool, right next to my trusty copy of Strunk and White.
Throughout all, Ms. Jovin keeps the reader engaged with light banter in chapter discussions and also footnotes. There are short, multiple choice quizzes at the end of each chapter to assist a reader’s knowledge and understanding. A lover of bad jokes, I could’t resist not sharing the following with you:
“What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast? Synomyn rolls.“ (Jovin, ch. 37, p. 8).
Your humble blogger howled, of course.
Until next time…
- The form of a verb you use in the past perfect or passive tense. For example, in the sentence “Have you sung karaoke?” the word sung is a past participle. (Courtesy of Vocabulary.com). ↩︎
- “For,” “and,” “not,” “nor,” “but,” “yet,” and “so.” They are used to connect independent clauses (complete thoughts) into compound sentences. ↩︎
- Fanboys are a mnemonic teaching device. It stands for the first letters of the above seven coordinating conjunctions. ↩︎
Snakes in the Grass 
Oh, Marty, you took me right back to English class because I do remember diagramming sentences. I also remember typing class which falls into a similar experience. 🙂 The pronoun issue is interesting and a sign of the times. I didn’t put a comma before ‘and’ because I don’t I need one or do I? 🙂 I always wonder if I’m suppose to note the ones included in email signatures in my contacts so that I’m always politically correct. Too much work – I’ll just call you Marty, and you can call me Judy. 🙂 Thanks for the chuckles and the heavy thinking.
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First name basis is so much easier, Judy! Agreed then. Yeah, the commas and that confusing “and.” I know it has a lot t do with subject and verb following the and. I just follow my nose on that one. Let the chips fall where they may!
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This book is a delight. I need to find a copy of it. I loved grammar when I was in high school and college majoring in English. I used to be able diagram any sentence and knew all the rules by heart. Then I got older, went online, and loosened up about grammar. Life is too complicated to fuss with people about proper grammar, nor to judge myself too harshly when I make a mistake.
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From reading your blog as long as I have, Ally, I think it’s a book that you’d probably like. I will admit to not putting complete attention into some of the deeper areas she discussed (mainly because I know I’d never use or remember them), but overall it was very enjoyable. The chapter on judging someone, or correcting someone’s grammar was interesting.
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No wonder you’re good at martini fractions – ya need one after parsing your sentences and such. How good are you at margarita math?
😉
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Ha! Good point, Laura! I’m absolutely terrible at margarita math…. but then we don’t have any tequila in the house either. 🤔
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I’ve come up with some of my own grammar rules. For instance, I capitalize every word in a title. Such as: The Catcher In The Rye; Gone With The Wind.
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You renegade, Neil!
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Awesome post, Marty. Now I can’t get the image of John F. Kennedy and Joseph Stalin as strippers out of my head!
As a former high school English teacher, I shudder to think who my students thought I resembled!
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They still think of you only as that wonderful English teacher they had, Donna!
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Your post is really amusing. Did you ever hear the joke about asking “Where someone was at” and the response is “Behind the AT?” And, did you see this news when it came out? Mind blown.
https://www.npr.org/2024/02/27/1233663125/grammar-preposition-sentence-rule-myth-merriam-webster-dictionary
Thanks for the book recommendation!
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Ha ha, I’ve never heard that joke. And thank you for the NPR article (see? I also started a sentence with an “and,” which is also in Ellen’s book). Good for Merriam-Webster, calling it as they see it. And I love Ellen’s comment in there: “I end with prepositions and I’m perfectly happy with my life.” 😉 Thanks, Tracey!
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That comma before the “and” can be of some importance to indexers. But I have not seen that situation occur in a very long time. Perhaps authors of books on religious subjects usually include that comma.
The most useful course for my understanding of English grammar was Latin.
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Latin! You’re fully prepared for attending a Tridentine Mass then, Richard. Should you have the inclination that is. 😉
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As an occasional (as in mostly) proponent of the Oxford comma, I owe that to my spellcheck which chastises me if I don’t use it. Personally, I wouldn’t go to see JFK or Stalin as strippers. Prefer the Jason Momoa type myself. I love grammar. It’s a lot of fun. I fall victim to the lay-lie thing. I have a chart in my drawer.
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Interesting that the spellcheck will put in an Oxford comma. I had no idea it did that. I’m mostly a proponent myself also, but there seem to be such histrionics about it that makes me weary. So I was glad to see the author poo-poo it. I agree, I don’t think either of those men are stripper candidates!
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Laugh out loud, Marty, “fractions” and martinis. True observation about ‘pronouns.’ I have now added “Rebel with a Clause” to my reading list after reading your enticing review. Yes, “Strunk and White” is also on my desk. I have had the privilege and opportunity to recently work with a few different editors. They seem to have unique philosophies and the writing ‘rules’ can vary depending on the publication. And, yes, there are differences between British and American language usage. Lots of food for thought in your post. As far as inadequacies, Marty, to me you are a star…pretty darn perfect! I am sure Gorgeous will agree with me. ⭐️
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Erica, you’re so sweet! The one major takeaway from the book that I didn’t get into because of length, is commenting or correcting someone else’s grammar. It was a very helpful chapter, and one that Gorgeous I’m sure will encourage me to read again just for emphasis. 😆. Great writer that you are, I’m sure you’ll find it equally interesting and helpful.
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Ha, ha…correcting someone else’s grammar…I have a ‘helpful husband’ around here, too…and then I give him ‘that look’ 🧐 I look forward to reading this book. Have a good weekend, Marty!
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Just checked elibrary and downloaded…thank you!
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Ms Jovin sounds like the sort of English teacher I’d have LOVED. My education was a bit of a mess as between the ages of 10 and 12, first there was civil unrest and rioting, so we weren’t able to get to school on anything like a regular basis, then we moved to a country where we weren’t allowed into the mainstream education system and went instead to a parent run one. At 12, my parents gave in and sent us to boarding school in England. All the key points of English grammar had been covered for the other students by this time, so I simply relied on my reading to know – by instinct – what was right and what was wrong. I’d no idea what anything was called, other than the holy trinity of noun, verb and adjective. Frankly it’s a wonder I scraped by!
We will not discuss maths…
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And yet…. and yet you’ve become this wonderful, gifted writer, Debs. Against the odds is apparently not an understatement! I can’t wrap my head around those challenges you faced, especially when my own were merely laziness-cum-boredom. We all eventually found our zen from some kind of inspiration (mine would be the two Davids: David Sedaris and Dave Barry). The “holy trinity” of noun, verb, and adjective; I love that!
Yes, let’s just stay away from math. We don’t need that kind of shadow darkening our love for reading and writing…
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Aw Marty, you say the kindest things 🙂
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