We’re all in strange times at the moment. They in turn lead to strange thoughts and actions.
My mother always said to never wear ratty underwear because someone might notice if I got into an accident. I remember pondering that a bit. I envisioned myself lying in the middle of a street, my bike mangled beyond recognition by an impact with a large truck, and medics hovering over me applying bandages to open wounds.
“Carl, we need to stem the bleeding at his hip area. And by the way, have you noticed the condition of those Fruit of the Looms? Let’s do this kid a favor and just shred ’em with the trauma sheers. His mother should be ashamed he’s wearing those.”
It’s coming on 60 years, and I finally get it. It wasn’t about me, it was about what everyone else would think.
It was about judgment. That never goes out of style.
Looking back, all I was trying to do in those days was to keep up with my peers. For example, when I noticed in the gym locker room that the cool kids were suddenly sporting those hip new colored briefs, I wanted them too. But I accepted my family’s economic situation and instead wore the standard issue, inexpensive, solid white Looms purchased courtesy of a blue light special at K-Mart. I had ten seconds of self-consciousness as I quickly changed my clothes before and after gym class.
As peer pressure and self-esteem issues went, the underwear were the least of my problems anyway.
But if judgments were indeed levied by others in those adolescent days, I at least understood their terms. It wasn’t complicated. It had to do with affordability and status; you either had something or you didn’t. It wasn’t thankfully about ideology. That came later via friends, co-workers, neighbors, and bar stool acquaintances.
Which brings me somehow to this current, post-election period here in the United States. Judgments are rampant at the moment.
Just like our brethren in post-Brexit Britain, we are collectively resorting to finger-pointing and trash talking at our fellow citizens. Except because this is America, and we like to bring in a commercial aspect to everything whenever possible, our onslaught of judgments is about separating and dividing based on the products being purchased. You can judge a man not by the content of his character, but by his credit card statement.
If that’s the case, I’m done for. I’m headed to putting on my underpants quickly again. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
According to a recent Washington Post article, the level of partisan discord in the U.S. is now reaching such heights that even your favorite box of Kellogg’s cereal classifies you as liberal and anti-American. It’s apparently the fault of that radical, leftist Kellogg Company in Battle Creek. Boy, and you think you know a company.
But come on, how could there be an issue about buying a box of Corn Flakes from the grocery store? For God sakes, what’s more American than a bowl of Corn Flakes? Why, a number of us are brazen enough to select the frosted ones instead. And except for your dentist, no one’s judging you for that, right?
Think again, you innocent.
Quite frankly, I always had a suspicion about that tiger of theirs, Tony. I mean, please. What’s with the bandana? A red bandana at that. This is a good example they’re setting for our children??
Oh, wait, we like Russia now, don’t we? Oh, never mind.
Lest you think this is only a conservative backlash, I’m seeing that liberals aren’t taking this lying down. Not to be outdone, they’ve created an app to make sure that one doesn’t buy from the “wrong” company. Among the slew of products now deemed politically tainted are those from the Nike shoe company. It seems that Nike’s erreur de jugement was to open a store in Trump Tower. Those fascists!
And those are just two examples. It actually goes on and on. For instance, conservatives continue to call for a boycott on the (note: continuously sold out) Broadway performances of “Hamilton,” while liberals are listing Kitchen Aid appliances as verboten because that company is helping to sponsor a Trump golf tournament. Shout-out to all you liberal foodies out there: stop buying those mixers, stat!
Somewhere in heaven I have to believe Rosa Parks is rolling her eyes right now.
Source: Wikipedia
I am constantly feeling overwhelmed by the bombardment of so-called movement boycotts against this business or that corporation. Avoid Barilla pasta products because of anti-gay comments made by its company’s chairman (apparently now rescinded); Stay away from Walmart to protest their gun sale policies and refusal to offer employees health insurance (both issues now supposedly addressed); Boycott Target because of their transgender bathroom use policies (I have no clue on the status of that one because it never made sense to me to begin with).
Someone once told me Lowe’s was the “blue” store and Home Depot the “red” one. Well, that might be, but in either place I still have to search high and low for someone to direct me to the right aisle for rust remover. Liberal or conservative, they never hire enough staff to rescue customers like myself who wander helplessly in their stores.
Truth be told, I don’t think I have it in me anymore to constantly keep my ear to the ground of all the latest social protests and boycotts of this franchise or that one.
I’m as repulsed as anyone else by bad behavior, racist policies, and outright prejudice. If it’s an habitual and flagrant violation of another person’s civil rights — such as when certain Denny’s franchises refused to serve African-Americans a few years back — then I can easily avoid patronizing that chain. But please, spare me your politicized agendas to boycott whatever “flavor of the month” cause that will force me to run around in circles to buy a mixer, a pair of sneakers, or see a Broadway show.
No, I’m not happy with the results of the last election. But I’m going to suck it up for the next four years and fight the good fight at the next ballot box. Certain organizations will continue get some of my money, too. I am not burying my head in the sand.
And for the record, your humble blogger is a Hanes briefs man. I’ve got all the colors in the rainbow now, and there’s nary a white shade in my drawer. With adulthood comes rewards.
Until next time…
Snakes in the Grass 
Great post!
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Thanks for reading. 🙂
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I’m relieved you no longer wear tidy whities. I was going to send a care package. It’s all noise. You can’t believe it all anyway. (Perhaps started by a foreign country to slash the competition. Or an unhappy employee?) I’m exhausted. Like a small child waiting for Christmas, four years is a long wait.
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Ah, I hadn’t thought of that — the boycotts are Chinese or Russian-planted! I’ll await your care package; I can still use all the help I can get.
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So colored thongs it is!
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Yep, you got a point. And I put on my pants one cynical leg at time, thinking … both tribes, the vociferous “Vibrant Varied” and the toned deaf “Tighty Whities” …won’t be satisfied until the most mundane of the day to day has been weaponized.
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Keep them alliterations comin’, Doug. We’ll need plenty of them to survive the next four years.
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To be totally on the safe side, why not go commando, i.e. no briefs!
Wait what those EMS are saying when your are laying bleeding on the street….”at least he is neutral” How can you offend anyone, rather than some prude?
or…the opposite, use them to make a statement…at American Eagle (American he?), they sold those rainbow ones….pro LGBTQ2!
I got those for my son…and he proudly wears them.
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What a concept! Never even occurred to me. 😉 Your son is twice lucky– he’s got cool briefs and a cool mom.
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You know that I’m political enough to make some choices (like vowing never to go to a Chic-fil-A where I’d never gone anyway). And I do think protesting with one’s feet and $$$ can be a good strategy. But there are too many, and when a company changes the policy, the boycott should end, shouldn’t it? Folks are making this too complicated.
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I was actually trying to find a way to mention Chic-Fil-A, but it was getting crowded. I think we all have to ultimately personal decisions, which is basically what boycotts end up being. It can become comical at times, though. I still remember the “boycott meat” drumbeat back in the seventies, which I think was my first memory of one in our family.
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…still happening. We all have to wear vegan sneakers!
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What a fashion maven you are!
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The reference to cereal choice is tongue in cheek…right? I guess it’s a good thing I don’t eat cereal.
I am left shaking my head daily. I still will not discuss politics but all this stuff is a hoot, a holler and a hie-de-ho!
I’d like for somebody to attack me for my choice of cereal…as a former EMT, I can tell you…it wouldn’t matter what color their panties were….a sharp pair of scissors….can “change” a person, if you know what I mean…and I think you do. LOL
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Tongue in cheek by me, but sadly not Breitbart News. You’ll have to read the article link to the Washington Post. Hard to make these things up! I thought of you, Lauren, when I mentioned the “trauma sheers.” I had no idea they existed, but I figured you might notice. 🙂
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Aw…thanks! I don’t know if I can stand to read any more dribble. If it wasn’t so fucking stupid, it’d be funny.
I giggle every time I hear the name “Putin.”
When I was little, “breaking wind” was called “pootin’.”
I figure I need to get as many snarky remarks out as I can, seeing as how that Mercury retrograde thing is happening tomorrow. Hell…I might turn sweet! LOL
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cool post!
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I have to admit following a few boycotts (Chic-fil-A and Hobby Lobby, for example) just because I don’t want to fill the coffers of those who support hate. I would never (not that I would have anyway) buy any Trump-labeled products either. But, beyond that, it’s gets too complicated. Only you could start a post about wearing undies and end up ranting about politics… I guess they both can get pretty poopy.
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Laughing here at your comment, Janice. The list is pretty big, and God knows (pun intended) I do recall the Hobby Lobby court case. It galls me they actually won that one. And so it goes. Thanks for reading!
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Good one, Marty.
I’m pretty much one of the shopping types you’re sick of, but some places, like Target, could have a policy of killing kittens and I couldn’t get myself to stop shopping there. And for the record, transgender bathrooms are fine with me, so I have no guilty conscience shopping there anyway. None of us have to worry. I’m certain there will be countless issues to take a stand on in the next four years. Shopping will be the least of them.
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Thanks, Sue! right you are about what awaits us over the next four years. Or will Trump quit after just one??? Stay tuned!
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I’m glad you stick with the Russian connection to the red bandana Marty. I honestly thought you were suggesting something a little gayer (and definitely not known to everyone). Thanks for the thoughtful Post Toasties, er, post.
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Damn, Eddie, you’re sending me to Google now! I don’t think I know that one about Tony.
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Don’t blame me … what you read cannot be unread 😉
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In brief: a timely post.
So you think this thoughtless duffer will make the full four years, eh?
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I’m praying it won’t be, Bruce!
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Although I am Canadian, I have been utterly exhausted both before and after this election.
Insightful post….and very funny ‘brief-related’ comments from fellow readers!
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You gotta find a way to laugh, Donna. Otherwise you’ll cry your eyes out!
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amazing how much thought can come of underwear – I prefer boxers 🙂
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Your preference noted! lol
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Well written. America’s crazy. And mothers can be silly. If your child is in an accident, what the medics think about you based on his underwear should be the last thing you worry about.
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Its alternate title was “The Collective Neuroses of the Jewish Mother,” but then I got waylaid by the whole political angle. Being a humor blogger is not pretty. 😉
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